Natural born unhappy

What erroneous wish have I made when I was seven and blew my birthday cake candles? What evil fairies have I conjured when I closed my eyes and all I asked for was “when I grow up, I want …” What was it that I wished for since I don't seem to be able to find it? Happiness? Why am I constantly wished for and reminded that the most important thing in life is to be happy? What is that? Ignorance? Bliss? Both?

I took a look at my plate and was trying to figure out what was missing, telling myself that since I’ve simplified my life to the maximum, I should have been happier. Naively, I thought simplifying equaled happiness. In my avid quest to obtain an intrinsic happiness and ultimately to reach to its core, I have been trying to deplete life of its futile layers. Yes, life has lots of snakes that are only ropes hidden in shady corners, at the end of the day.

I divided things that fill everyone’s life into categories. I made my own “vital shopping list”:
1) earthly things (monkey business ones) and 2) heavenly things (the ones that make the world go ‘round with a little bit of help from intrinsic angular momentum).

With these distinct categories in mind, I thought that if I managed to keep my balance between the two of them, it would be impossible to lose myself and I’d always stay grounded. However, even if it seemed to work for while, I realized I cannot define myself as happy and my irremediable cynicism kept me at bay. Something was missing. Simplifying didn’t help. Epicurus was wrong. Avoiding pain does not equal happiness.

Naturally, I came to realize that my happiness was directly proportional to the level of expectation, so I genuinely yet erroneously thought that simplification was the right solution that needed to be applied. Normally, Occam ’s razor came to my mind: entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem (entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity). Well, not exactly in Latin but you know what I have in mind. Meaning, when things tend to complicate, the simplest solution is the truest one. The simplest solution is the truest one. The simplest.

Since I have simplified my life but still felt an indefinable emptiness, I tended to agree that there must be my faulty Romanian genes and the implacability of destiny that we seem to be slaves to. Moirae's slaves. Or, maybe it was just me, who thought I have free-will so it was my responsibility to find happiness.

I enviously looked at my Northern American friends, who claimed to be happy, walked their Golden Retrievers, played their saxophone, wrote their books, raised their children and claimed were naturally high on dopamine and serotonine. Maybe their water is different.

Yet, 10% of the adult Americans had experienced at least one major depressive episode during the last year. Moreover, N.I.H.  provided a list of mental health statistics:  "An estimated 26.2% of Americans ages 18 and older suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year." (MedlinePlus). Yippee kay ay, it was not me!

The New Scientist magazine published a survey covering 65 countries, claiming that Finland was the happiest and the least-corrupt nation in the world. Should it be any relation between the moral cleanliness and happiness? Apparently.

Americans put a price on personal success, pride and self-esteem and ranked topmost. But were not exactly happy. So what makes a person happy? According to the same poll, people checked these factors as contributing to their state of happiness: genetic propensity, marriage, make friends and value them, desire less, do someone a good turn, have faith (religious or not), stop comparing your looks with others, earn more money, grow old gracefully, don't worry if you're not a genius. The Japanese said that living up to family and society expectations constituted happiness. But then again, they coined the term of hikikomori. There is something to think about, isn't it? What if you were happy but you didn't know it? Is happiness generally valid? It seems not. Whatever makes Nigerians happy, does not make me happy.

Books say that in case of uncertainty, the expectation is considered likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something unexpected happens, that is a surprise. Synonyms: anticipation, hope, expectancy, belief, prospect, probability, suspense, bated breath.

Hold on, hold on. Go back on the line: to change your happiness, change your expectation. Damn, I have been expecting an unrealistic goal all along. I craved for an intrinsic and genuine happiness, its very concentrated essence, while I should have craved for something more attainable, like a fancy car, a smaller butt, or a filthy rich husband. I didn’t find it, as I was searching for the wrong thing. When you are not looking for it, it is easy to miss it.

Thus my next step in battling a natural born philosophical dissatisfaction was to change my expectations, in order to lure this moody and permanently PMSing woman vaguely called “happiness”. Maybe I should then settle. Isn’t this how is called when people lower and change their expectations?

According to Merriam Webster, to settle means to seat, to bring to rest, to place as, to furnish with inhabitants, to colonize, to make quiet or orderly, to establish permanently. In legal terms, it means to come to a decision, to conclude a lawsuit by agreement of a court.

Since “to settle” has so many wonderful synonymous meanings, I allowed myself picking one, according to my taste and prerogative: to bring to rest. Thus, to settle means to bring to rest. Logically, let’s reiterate and include the newly found data and write down the syllogism.
1) To be happy means to lower or change your expectations;
2) To lower your expectation means to settle;
3) To settle means to bring to rest or conclude.

Voila, QED: to become happy, means to bring to rest.

Our unhappiness resulted from the fact that all along, we inversed the natural order of things: we wanted peace of mind in order to become happy. While the correct order would be: we need to be happy in order to obtain peace of mind. But you cannot possibly be happy if you are looking for happiness in the wrong places.
Yet.

Life is nothing but an emotional roller coaster and we live for the thrill of the ups and downs of the journey. Median lukewarm relations don’t make us exalt, and the force of habit and routine acts manage to strangle any glimpse of passion, leaving us with residual emotions and fake sensations. Happiness is a state that doesn’t inspire most of us, regardless of what (some) psychologists say about the creativity of love.

Happiness, unlike love which is an innate idea, is an acquired concept. No, they are not related. We are naturally born unhappy and we should love every minute of it. Unhappiness like any other human emotional value should be encouraged to surface.

I am not talking about Merriam Websterish sort of unhappiness as a state of not well-being, deep grief or discontent or a feeling or spell of dismally low spirits. I am talking about the unhappiness that any thinking and rationalizing being encounters when she inevitable reaches certain inferences about life and its themes. It is almost impossible not delve deep into unhappiness once you come to terms with the depths of life, its meaning, and its teleological scope.

So what is happiness? A cumulus of daily joys? The gathering of “small things”? Is it even definable? What are the "small things"? Nah, that is too simple. Is there a happiness center in the brain? Are psychologists simplistically true? Is this all we want: to avoid pain, and thus the pharmaceutical companies will flourish? Is ignorance bliss, indeed?

Unhappiness is natural and its bearer should not be ostracized towards the extreme side of the emotional palette. Unhappiness is the realistic inspiration and aspiration of grown ups, the courage to admit that happiness is a brief touch of this perfunctory, gregarious and temporarily state that inflicts a false sensation that life is like this at all times.

It is only human to desire and aspire to happiness but the sooner we come to terms with it and embrace our unhappiness, the better.

We need the terra firma of unhappiness back. We need to clear the emotional debris , the “we are told-s”, and break the dam of emotions free. Allow yourself to be sad. Let the river of unhappiness run boundless. Free yourself. Be unhappy.